The Speech
by catherine ampere
Summary: Tony ad libs his most important responsibility as Palmer's best man. But what happens when the speech isn't just meant for the happy couple?
1. Chapter 1

Tony surveyed the modest reception hall and knocked back the rest of his drink. The guests attending looked happy, relaxed, and slightly drunk as they enjoyed the night's festivities; he was willing to bet that he'd even heard Gibbs release a bark of laughter. Tony did a double take, just to be sure, and the corners of his boss's mouth were still upturned and the twinkle still remained in his icy blue eyes. He nodded with satisfaction when he realized that he'd witnessed a rare moment of delight from his no-nonsense mentor.

He noticed that _she_ looked exceptionally radiant, more so than usual, and he couldn't help smiling to himself. Staring at her, even for a minute, calmed the jitters in his gut; any minute now he'd have to stand up and give his speech, and for some reason his nerves were getting the best of him. Her eyes narrowed and met his almost instantly. She tilted her head slightly and he gave his own a barely noticeable shake to answer her unspoken question.

"Uh, Tony?"

Tony's attention jerked back to the bubbly groom seated to his left. The fresh glow of nuptials made his youthful face seem even younger, and Tony could feel the excitement vibrating off the new groom's shoulders. He stole a glance at his lovely bride and looked at Tony once more.

"Should you, uh, get to the speech now? Breena just warned me that Emily's is really long," he laughed, "and we want to get the ball rolling."

Tony couldn't help but notice the way Jimmy relished in his choice of pronouns. His eyes glanced briefly at the newly married couple's intertwined hands and he plastered a smile of false bravado on his face.

"Sure thing, Palmer," he nodded and gave Breena a quick wink. "Might want to get your tissues out, I'm going to steal the show."

Breena laughed good-naturedly, and Jimmy rolled his eyes. Tony could never resist the opportunity to playfully flirt with the sweet and giggly blonde no more than he could resist teasing McWriter about his newest work in progress; Ziva had broken into his desk drawer a week ago and found the unpublished manuscript for the third installation of the L.J Tibbs adventures. Since then, Tony, Ziva, and even Abby, teased McGee mercilessly about McGregor's sexy gaming girlfriend and the jealousy he not-so-subtly harbored for newly arrived Special Agent Simeon Cape, who'd recently stolen the heart of a most beloved forensic scientist.

Tony panicked momentarily when he realized he'd already finished his drink. _What kind of chump toasted with an empty glass_? He allowed himself a few more seconds of inner turmoil before he suavely flagged down the waiter and took a champagne flute from the fancy serving tray.

_Crisis averted_, he thought bitterly. _Now for the easy part_.

Both Breena and Jimmy eyed him expectantly and he took one last cleansing breath before channeling all of his nervousness into something he could use in his speech. Which he hadn't really prepared. And didn't think would be that hard until ten minutes ago.

Tony stood and clinked his glass. He willed his hand to stop trembling. Could Palmer see it? Could the slightly odd, but perfectly friendly, groomsman on his right notice his stubborn tremor? He was sure it was obvious to everyone in the room. But his tune changed almost instantly when he made eye contact with Gibbs, whose stern "get on with it" stare kicked Tony right back into gear.

"Helloooo Vietnam," Tony laughed awkwardly.

He scanned the room and saw Abby bouncing in her seat, anxiously awaiting her close friend's speech; just a half hour earlier she'd expressed her utmost confidence in him and his ability to charm the pants off a room full of people. Next to her, McGee had his eyes closed, shaking his head at Tony, begging him to quit the jokes early on and just dive into the meat of his speech.

Tony cleared his throat and gave the newlyweds an apologetic wince.

"We all know the reason we're here—to celebrate Jimmy and Breena," he began slowly, still unsure of where he was taking this whole thing. His throat suddenly felt dry and he juggled the microphone, his champagne flute, and the glass of water he so desperately needed. Once he felt sufficiently hydrated he placed it back on the table and gripped the flute's stem so tightly that his knuckles whitened.

"Sorry folks," he chuckled again and took a deep breath. "I always get a little nervous at these things."

Those that knew him, including Gibbs, gave a small laugh—Tony never had a problem accepting awards on behalf of his boss in the past, so they probably didn't think that he was genuinely nervous now. He let them believe he was kidding; it was easier that way.

"Working where we do makes it difficult to have a 'normal' life," he began. "We put in long hours and we barely get enough sleep."

He took a minute to collect his thoughts and sigh in relief when both the NCIS guests and Breena's side nodded in agreement.

"Love is hard enough to find in 'normal' circumstances, but let's face it," he laughed, "we at NCIS have never been normal."

His fellow coworkers once again laughed and he felt himself relaxing more. It might've had to do with the brown eyes he couldn't tear his own away from, but then again, it could have just been his confidence returning. Either or could be plausible.

"What Jimmy and Breena have is something completely and utterly unique."

As he spoke, something in him began to change. Staring at Ziva made his toast all the more personal, for reasons he didn't care to identify.

"They've managed to find love, nurture it, and now get to spend the rest of their lives together. There's not many of us who get to say they're living their happily ever-after, but I can say for certain that my good friend Jimmy and his beautiful new wife will absolutely have theirs."

Everyone "aww"-ed and he tore his eyes from Ziva's to check on the happy couple. Jimmy and Breena were completely lost in their own world and were no longer paying anyone in the room an ounce of attention. Breena suddenly realized that it had gotten quiet and looked up, a rosy flush of embarrassment coloring her cheeks. Jimmy followed suit, and mouthed an apology to his best man.

"Someone once asked me if I believed in soul mates," Tony said in a shaky voice.

He could've sworn that he heard Ziva let out a soft but audible gasp of surprise—a gasp that accompanied her widened eyes. Nevertheless, he pressed forward and continued his toast.

"To be honest, at the time I didn't. I didn't think that the universe designed two people to be together, to be with _only_ each other. It just didn't seem very plausible to me."

Tony watched Ziva's face very closely, desperate for the most minute of reactions, but she had her ninja mask firmly in place. Tony knew she'd be damned if she showed emotion when she didn't want to.

"But the first time I met Breena I knew that there couldn't be another woman out there _more _perfect for our very own Autopsy Gremlin."

He turned and smiled at the bride, who seemed extremely grateful to hear Tony's retraction of his own prior beliefs. He then resumed his staring contest with Ziva, determined to see her emote.

"We all know I am a _very_ competent investigator," he joked, "and through watching them I began to believe differently about the whole soul mate thing. Watching their relationship, the way they so effortlessly meshed, despite the minor disagreements, really changed my opinions."

Tony wasn't sure if it was wishful thinking, or if Ziva's eyes were really becoming glassier by the minute. He hoped for the latter.

"Seeing how happy Breena and Jimmy are makes me believe that anything is truly possible. Their genuine love and affection for each other show someone like me that everyone deserves a chance to be happy, and if you get the opportunity to be happy, that you've got to take it before it's too late."

He felt himself choke up, and took a moment to cover himself by coughing. He turned towards Breena and his friend and continued.

"You two never had it easy. You both lead lives with demanding careers, and you don't get a lot of time to yourselves. But you've always managed to treasure that time and make it work. You two have shown me that if you work at it, if you truly love someone, you'll surpass every obstacle and roadblock in your way to make sure you get what you really want. And I think we all want the same thing in life," he smiled and faced the crowd. "Happiness."

He now noticed Ziva struggling to keep her bottom lip from quivering. He watched her blink rapidly and he wondered how long she could keep the tears at bay.

"So I thank you both for making a romantic out of _me_, and re-instilling the hope that sometimes, life can be just like the movies."

He raised his glass and everyone mimicked his action. He kept his gaze locked on Ziva the whole time.

"To Breena and Jimmy," he smiled.

"To Breena and Jimmy," everyone repeated, and took a drink.

The guests applauded Tony, and Gibbs gave him an approving nod. When Tony smiled back at him, Gibbs raised an eyebrow; the rest of the guests may not have known, but Gibbs had a funny suspicion that his senior field agent's speech did not apply solely to Breena and Jimmy.

Tony felt Jimmy clap him on the shoulder. He turned and gave him an affectionate handshake, which then turned into their own signature handshake, a product of their days working side-by-side all those years ago.

"Congratulations, Black Lung," Tony whispered as he patted Jimmy on the back. "You're very lucky."

"Thanks, Tony," Palmer smiled earnestly.

Breena had been wiping her eyes when she swatted Tony's arm affectionately.

"You never stop surprising me, Tony," she mused and kissed him on the cheek. "That was perfect."

Tony smiled and watched the couple settle back in their chairs. He turned to Emily and gave her a juvenile grin.

"Good luck competing with _that_," he scoffed.

Emily rolled her eyes and stood up, determined to outshine the obnoxiously handsome best man. She uttered something rude back at him, but Tony had already settled himself in his chair and tuned her out.

He mustered the courage to find Ziva's gaze, but not before stealing a glimpse of Abby, barely containing herself as she whispered not-so-quietly about Tony and his big heart, nudging McGee when he didn't give her an enthusiastic enough response. Ducky raised his glass at Tony and beamed with pride. And when Tony's eyes finally met hers, he saw a whole range of emotions that he hadn't prepared himself for.

He dared to hope. Could one of them be love?


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! If you're reading this chapter, thanks for sticking with it. And thanks for all the great feedback. This is my first foray into the world of fanfiction so I'm still a little nervous. Enjoy!**

The lively music started almost immediately after the maid of honor finished her toast. It was long, as promised, and from what Tony remembered, seemed to be a bit boring. But then again, he hadn't been paying much attention.

He watched Ziva during the entire speech, even after she broke eye contact. He couldn't help it, really—not with the way she'd poured herself into that dress, a coral color that warmed her skin and made his own cheeks flush when he imagined her body _out_ of it. Her hair spilled around her shoulders, and at one point he sighed happily to himself when she tilted her head to one side and swept her soft curls over her right collarbone. It left a golden, silky patch of bare skin on her right side, and he fought the urge to walk right up to her and run his fingers along the smooth expanse.

The things he'd do to that piece of skin.

She'd avoided him since then, doing her best to dance as far away from him as possible. Tony watched from his seat while she tried desperately to lead McGee in a coordinated rhythm. She rolled her own hips in slow, graceful motions while using her hands to help McGee's match her easy pace. McGee fumbled and tripped on her feet more than once, which each time resulted in a yelp and a roll of the eyes. Tony saw McMamba huff in frustration and complain that he wasn't getting it right, and that it'd be better to just sit down and cut their losses. But Ziva, Tony knew, was nothing if not persistent. He continued to watch her hapless lessons minutes after he sensed a presence nearby.

"Why don't you just go ask her to dance?"

Tony smiled and answered without looking at his new companion.

"Because it's way too much fun to watch this," he joked. "McFootloose is tearing up the dance floor. Never knew he had it in him."

Abby nudged Tony but couldn't fight the giggle that escaped her lips. She always found the charming agent funny, even if he took a few harmless jabs at her Timmy.

"Maybe he'll try out for _So You Think You Can Dance_," she retorted.

"Or _Soul Train_."

"Is _Soul Train_ still on?"

Tony shrugged.

"Who knows? But McBust-A-Move seems to have what it takes."

Abby shook her head. She bit her lip and toyed with the hem of her dress. Tony narrowed his eyes at his gothic friend and waited for her to speak her peace. She seemed reluctant to broach the topic and instead focused on the blood red fabric hugging her thin legs. She moved her knees side to side and he watched a clunky high-heeled foot twitch rapidly.

"Spit it out, Abs," he sighed.

Abby opened her jaw and feigned ignorance, but rethought it when excitement won over her desire to seem nonchalant. She grabbed him close and crushed him in a hug.

"Tony!" she screeched. "That was like, the best speech _ever_! You were so sweet, and Jimmy and Breena really liked it, and oh my gosh, I was tearing up."

Her words whooshed out in one breath and Tony had a problem comprehending them. He knew to keep quiet till she was done, which wouldn't be for another few minutes.

"You could just tell that Gibbs loved it! He's such a big softy when he wants to be. And Ducky, Ducky said it was one of the most heartfelt speeches he'd ever heard in all his life," she imitated his accent with little success, but it garnered a hearty laugh from Tony nonetheless.

"That's great, Abs, I'm glad you all liked it."

Tony stared back towards the dance floor and hunched forward, resting his forearms on his thighs. He spotted Jimmy twirling Breena, the two drunk on happiness and alcohol.

"They look happy, don't they?"

Abby mirrored his motions and leant forward to answer his question.

"Well, Ziva looks like she's ready to kill McGee, and I think Timmy's had just about enough of Ziva's dance lessons."

Tony shook his head and smiled. He never took for granted how lucky he was to have Abby as a friend, especially now. Abby had given him an out, in case he changed his mind and refused to discuss what happened earlier.

"I meant Breena and Palmer," he said softly.

He pointed to the newlyweds, who'd moved on from more traditional dancing to their own renditions of the robot. Breena threw her head back, her veil cascading down her back, and released a peal of laughter at their silliness.

"They seem to really fit."

"They're soul mates," Abby answered carefully. "You said so yourself."

Tony gave her a skeptical look and she narrowed her eyebrows.

"Unless you were talking about someone else," she ventured.

He loosened his tie and laughed uncomfortably.

"Who else would I have been talking about?"

"Oh I don't know," Abby pondered in a singsong voice, "maybe a certain ninja wearing an orange dress?"

"It's coral," he replied automatically, and groaned when he realized it was exactly what Abby was hoping for. She smiled triumphantly.

"I knew it. You were staring at her the whole time," she poked his shoulder. "That speech…it wasn't just for Jimmy and Breena, was it?"

Tony thought seriously about denying it, but Abby wouldn't stop if he lied. He'd already revealed too much; it wouldn't be fair to back out now.

"I didn't plan on it," he admitted. "I just…kind of got lost for words, and ended up staring at her, and knowing just what I needed to say."

He cringed as Abby's screech hit a new decibel and then again when she engulfed him in another bear hug.

"You deserve to be happy, Tony," she said excitedly. "You two…you're made for each other. It's supposed to happen."

He laughed.

"Thanks, Abs. But how can you be so sure?"

"What do you mean?" she cocked her head to the side, like a loveable puppy.

"You…you just seem positive that I'm supposed to be with Ziva. We don't even know how she feels," he gulped. "I'm not even sure I know how _I_ feel."

Abby snorted.

"Come on, Tony, I don't believe that for one second. You basically told her she was your soul mate."

Tony laughed a few times and scratched the back of his neck.

"You, uh, think she knew what I was talking about?"

Abby eyed him incredulously and he frowned.

"Ninja senses, right. Of course she knew."

Abby kissed his cheek.

"Go talk to her. Don't put it off. This is a chance to change something. Go get your happily ever-after, Tony. It's your turn."


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks again for all the alerts, favorites, and reviews. This chapter's a bit longer than the others, but there was a lot I wanted to happen here. Hope you like it!**

It took about twenty minutes after Abby's pep talk—and a pretty strong drink—before he found the courage to approach her. She twirled effortlessly around Ducky, probably happy that she'd found an adequate dance partner. Tony wasn't the least bit surprised that the medical examiner had moves; he knew how to do just about everything.

He waited for what looked like a lull in their dancing before swooping in behind Ducky. Ziva's eyes widened when he put a hand on Ducky's shoulder and whispered in his ear.

"Mind if I cut in, Ducky? I've been waiting for my chance all night."

Ducky turned and smiled at Tony.

"Certainly, my dear boy." He winked at Ziva, "It was a pleasure, milady. Don't go too hard on him, we can't all be divine dancers."

Ziva suppressed an unladylike snort before kissing Ducky on the cheek.

"You will always be my favorite, Ducky."

Ducky nodded.

"Good to know."

Tony slipped right into Ducky's place and gave her a wide, charming smile.

"I'm a little insulted that he thought I couldn't dance."

"You are no Fred Astaire, Tony."

"I resent that, but I'm impressed with the reference."

Tony spun Ziva away from him and twirled her around. When he pulled her close, he winked and gave a teasing shimmy.

"I've got moves you've never seen, David."

"I doubt that."

They fell into a silence, but continued to dance. Tony cleared his throat.

"So, what did you think of my speech?"

Ziva stopped dead in her tracks and stared at him. Tony smiled at her, pulled her back into the dance, and ignored her hesitant behavior. He continued talking.

"Well, you know, Breena's sister had a bet that mine would be awful and everyone would hate it. But I think I did a pretty good job, if I do say so myself."

"Tony," Ziva began, but he cut her off.

"Which is pretty impressive because I was kind of nervous and I didn't have anything prepared."

"Tony," she tried again.

"Anyway, I was just wondering what you thought because everyone else told me they loved it, and even Gibbs said it in his own way, and—"

"Tony," she snapped.

"Yeah?"

He studied Ziva's resigned expression. She looked like she'd lost all of the fight in her. Her doleful eyes bore into him and he could see her lip quivering. Her usual youthful glow disappeared and she seemed have aged ten years from impatience. _Or was it disappointment?_

"Was it real?"

Tony pulled on his collar and laughed with discomfort.

"What?"

"Tony," she sighed, her patience waning. "Your speech…did you mean what you said? Was any of it real?"

"_Was any of it real?"_

The words capsized him just as much now as they had then. He felt a déjà-vu that he never thought he'd have to experience. Panic rose in his throat and fought like hell to run the other way from this, from her, _hell_, from D.C…maybe start a new life somewhere, get a fresh start. He'd prefer anything really rather than facing this confrontation, especially when he feared he wouldn't get the outcome he hoped.

Tony opened his mouth, then closed it again, unable to answer truthfully. This was his out. So what if Abby said this was his moment? There'd be other moments. _Maybe_.

Another voice, that sounded suspiciously like Paula's, surfaced in the back of his mind, reminding him that this was his opportunity to say what he needed to say. He pictured her face, miserable and honest, urging him to tell the ones he loved how he felt before it was too late.

But did he love Ziva? He didn't give it a nanosecond's thought before he knew the answer.

_Yes_.

He did, with everything he had.

He opened his mouth to speak again, to finally tell her the truth.

"Attention everyone!"

The microphone amplified Jimmy's drunk voice, and everyone turned to listen—everyone except Tony and Ziva, who stared at each other with enough intensity to light the room on fire.

"We're going to cut the cake now, I hope you're all still hungry!"

Ziva's face fell when she realized that Tony wasn't going to be honest with her. She shook her head and tried to walk away when Tony gripped her rest and spun her back to him.

"Ziva," he started, and she could hear the remorse in his voice.

"Not now, Tony," she snapped, and pulled her wrist from his grip.

"_When_?"

Ziva nostrils flared and she shook her head again. When she looked him in the eye, Tony saw that she was struggling to keep her composure.

"Whenever you decide to grow up."

He called her name again, but she raised a hand to stop him. He could do nothing but watch Ziva walk away, taking his heart with her.

* * *

><p>The cake—a simple, lovely white creation with two purple flowers placed on the bottom tier—was absolutely delicious. Tony <em>knew<em> that it was delicious. In fact, it was his favorite: German chocolate cake with some sort of rich, chocolatey mousse in the middle. But that didn't mean he was eating it.

The feeling of nausea in the pit of his stomach started almost immediately after Ziva walked away. He knew that he'd messed up. The stubborn part of him wanted to argue—Ziva hadn't given him much time to answer and Palmer interrupted them—but he knew being petty would get him nowhere. He knew that the next time he spoke to Ziva he couldn't resort to fighting. He couldn't let _her_ resort to it, either. They had a lot to talk about, and if she gave him the chance, he'd be sure to stay as calm as possible. He just needed her to listen. She _had_ to know the truth.

So, for the time being, he pushed his fancy German chocolate cake around the plate and pretended to enjoy every bite. Everyone at his table was drunk, anyway; they wouldn't notice. He stole a glance to his left and watched Jimmy jokingly lick a piece of chocolate mousse off the corner of Breena's mouth, which only intensified his nausea. He looked to his right and stifled a laugh as the other groomsman, a friend of Jimmy's from college, tried in vain to discourage Emily's advances. Matt shot Tony a pleading look and he shrugged in response.

"Hey Emily," Tony began.

The maid of honor huffed at the interruption and made sure he could see her frustration.

"Yes, Tony?" she hissed.

"Has Matt here told you about his new boyfriend?" He turned to Matt, urging him to play along. "What was his name again?"

"Paul," Matt said, almost instantly.

Tony feigned recognition and pointed his finger with purpose.

"That's right! Paul. How long has it been now?"

Matt beamed, clearly excited with the charade.

"Two wonderful months."

Tony smiled triumphantly at Emily; he really hadn't liked her from the first moment they'd met, and he needed some cheering up. It wasn't his fault he got pleasure from the littlest of things.

"Who knows, Em?" He was almost giddy when he watched her cringe at the nickname. "Maybe you'll be going to _their_ wedding next year."

"We were thinking Christmas in Ireland," Matt smiled. "It's very picturesque."

Emily, now completely mortified, stood up and adjusted her dress. She intended to exit gracefully, but Tony called her back and had a moment of pity. He realized that although he disliked the woman, he was using her embarrassment to make himself feel better, and that probably didn't mesh well with Ziva's idea of him growing up. He decided to be the bigger person.

"Emily," he said in a kind voice, "have you met my friend, Tim?"

Emily narrowed her eyes at him but couldn't resist the chance for a set-up. Tony pointed out McGee, who was just finishing up his slice of cake. Thankfully, Abby was nowhere in sight—and neither was Ziva, he noticed—so his scheme had a chance.

"You should go introduce yourself. He's a bestselling author, you know."

Tony could see the dollar signs in her eyes. She smiled with satisfaction and stalked her target. Matt clapped Tony on the shoulder.

"Thanks for that, man."

"Anytime," Tony nodded. "By the way, your improv skills are pretty impressive. Paul? Christmas in Ireland?"

Matt beamed with pride.

"My sister just started dating a guy named Paul two months ago, and she's already got her wedding planned. Guess where she wants to go?"

Tony laughed and turned his attention back to his matchmaking endeavor. When Emily made her way towards McGee, Tony couldn't help but take delight in the sheer look of terror on his face.

So maybe he wasn't being the biggest person he could be, but to his own credit, Rome wasn't built in a day.

* * *

><p>The party began to wind down once everyone was full and sated. At this point the guests were in no state to be dancing, so most people sat and relaxed at their tables, waiting for the final moments of the reception.<p>

Breena stood up abruptly and announced to their table that was time for to throw her bouquet. She moved slowly, swaying only once or twice, and headed to the stage. The intoxicated bride turned her head from the microphone to hiccup before addressing her guests.

"Attention ladies," she giggled. "Come on up here! It's time to throw my bouquet!"

The women swarmed towards Breena. Their drunken giggles echoed in the reception hall and Tony fought the urge to cover his ears. The male guests took their time as they walked to a spot on the side of the dance floor.

McGee shoved Tony's arm as he approached him.

"Seriously, Tony? Did you really have to send her over to me?"

"What's wrong, McRomeo? I thought you would've liked her. She's desperate for some lovin', you know."

McGee rolled his eyes.

"I'm not looking for anyone right now, I've told you that a thousand times. It's only been three months."

It seemed McGee hadn't extinguished the torch for his ex-girlfriend Maxine. She accepted a job in California, and two separated amicably, but McGee was still devastated. It was his first real, normal girlfriend in years, and Tony felt sorry for the younger agent. Sometimes his big heart did more harm than good.

"Three months, McGee! You need to get back on the horse. Stop stalling."

McGee chose to ignore his friend's advice, and the two men quieted down when Breena spoke once more.

"Okay, ladies," Breena shouted, "get ready!"

He watched Ziva follow the other women, but she showed absolutely no interest in catching Breena's bouquet. The bride's friends, family, and even of some of Jimmy's female relatives, took the tradition very seriously and hovered with their arms up in anticipation. This was not a game to them.

Breena counted down, turned her back, and launched her beautiful flowers into the air. The bouquet careened towards Ziva and she deftly stepped out of its path. Emily—and to both Tony and McGee's surprise—Abby, charged towards the flowers from either direction. Abby hip-checked Breena's sister right out of the way and cradled the flowers to her side the same way a wide receiver would catch a football. Emily pouted and muttered a few obscenities; apparently she felt that being both the maid of honor and Breena's sister automatically qualified her to catch the bouquet. The other women clapped and cheered while Abby victoriously pumped her fist in the air.

Tony and McGee were both alarmed and amused.

"Wow, they really take this seriously, don't they?"

Tony narrowed his eyes at McGee.

"Are you kidding? They eat this stuff up. Have you ever been to a wedding before?"

The younger agent pouted.

"No, I have."

"A video teleconference doesn't count."

"Okay, fine, not in a while but…"

"Ha!" Tony grinned. "You still have a lot to learn, McBachelor."

"Shut up, Tony."

Abby spotted them from across the dance floor and ran as fast as she could towards them; both men marveled at her speed, which was quite impressive despite wearing skyscraper platforms.

"Tony! McGee!"

"Here she comes," Tony laughed.

"She's like a wildebeest," McGee exclaimed, horrified.

"Don't let her hear you say that. Unless you want to be boiled from the inside out."

McGee shivered; that was _not_ the way he wanted to die.

"I caught the bouquet!" she exclaimed.

"We saw, Abs," Tony smiled. "Good job."

Abby nodded.

"Well, it looked like Ziva was going to catch it, but then she moved out of the way, and I saw my opportunity. And I certainly wasn't going to let that awful Emily get it."

Tony laughed.

"You mean McGee's new girlfriend?"

Abby's eyes widened in horror.

"Timmy, you _cannot_ date her. She's terrible!"

Tony snorted and McGee shot him a dirty look.

"Relax, Abby. Tony was being Tony and tried to set us up. I'm not interested in her. She's kind of scary."

Abby's face softened and she seemed relieved. She looped her arm through McGee's and pulled him away.

"Come on, McGee, let's go see if there's any leftover cake. I want a piece to take home!"

Tony shook his head at the pair as they walked away, chattering about the cake, Abby's winning catch and McGee's blistered heels. He always wondered what would have happened if they'd stayed together. Would they be married now? Would there be little McBabies running around NCIS? The thought made him cringe, but he couldn't help but imagine. Tim and Abby were the kindest people he knew, and neither one of them was in a happy, committed relationship. What did that say about his _own_ fate?

* * *

><p>Tony bolted as soon as it was acceptable for the best man to leave the reception. He declined Matt's invitation for an after-party with some of the female guests and headed straight for his car.<p>

He kept picturing Ziva's exit and the cold, disappointed look in her eyes as she left. His stomach lurched every time he thought not only about the pain he'd caused her but the sinking suspicion that she'd given up on him. On _them_. It was a thought entirely too ugly to accept.

He made it to her apartment in record time and he thanked his lucky stars that he hadn't been pulled over by a policeman; he wasn't entirely sure that his blood alcohol content was under the legal limit. He parked his car in the first spot he could find and headed towards her place, absentmindedly hoping he'd put a coin in the meter. When he reached her door, he buzzed a random apartment button; she'd mentioned two days ago that hers hadn't been working properly.

A cranky older man answered the buzz, annoyed at the intrusion.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"I'm so sorry. I live in 4C, and I don't have my keys. My roommate's not answering the phone and I really need to get in."

The old man mumbled about rude lotharios and the manners of their generation, but buzzed him in nevertheless.

Tony took the stairs two at a time and paused outside Ziva's door. Both his drinking and damaged-plague-lungs hadn't done him any favors. When he felt he'd gotten a sufficient amount of air, he pounded as hard as he could on her door and hoped she'd hear.

_Of course she'd hear, she's a ninja_.

He just didn't want to admit to himself that he hoped no one was over.

She opened it moments later in a robe, clean-faced and confused. Tony couldn't help noticing how lovely her skin looked without makeup, and he repeatedly found himself wondering why she needed any at all. Her hair was braided loosely over her shoulder, and she looked like she was getting ready for bed.

"What are you doing here?"

Tony pushed his way into the apartment.

"We need to talk."

She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Can this wait?"

"No," he answered firmly, with more confidence than she expected. "It can't wait. There are some things I need to say, and you have to listen."

**Their talk will be the next chapter. I promise!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everyone! Sorry for the long wait. I'm so glad you guys are liking this story enough to sign up for alerts. A special kudos to for guessing the movie reference in Chapter 3 (_My Best Friend's Wedding_). Without further ado, here's the next installation. **

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><p>"I do not have to do <em>anything<em>, Tony," she sighed. "It is late, and I am tired."

Tony shut the door behind him and smiled impishly.

"We're not on call this weekend."

His features grew more serious and his eyes burned into hers.

"Besides, this is important."

"Have you grown up that fast?" she snorted. "I must say, that is quite impressive."

Tony laughed darkly.

"That's rich coming from someone who rubbed our noses in CI-Ray for months! Trust me, you're really not one to play the mature card."

When he watched her eyes darken and her lips tighten into a thin line, he shut his own eyes and counted to ten. This is not the way he had intended this to happen; in fact, he swore to himself that he'd keep his cool and insist that Ziva do the same.

"You are arguing with me in my apartment, Tony. Do not forget that there are weapons all around you."

Tony sighed and took a step towards her. She didn't back away, and he wasn't sure if he should be surprised. She seemed particularly combative and she wouldn't be her if she backed down.

"This is not the way I planned this, Zee," he sighed and rubbed a hand over his face.

His voice dropped a few decibels and he let his shoulders deflate.

"To be honest, I haven't really planned this out very far."

Ziva looked like she was ready to strangle him. She stared at him with big, inquisitive eyes and he watched her bottom lip tremble in disappointment.

"Tony, please," she half-begged, "if you leave now, I will pretend this did not happen. We can go back to the way things were."

"That's the thing, Ziva!" he cried. "I don't want it to go back. I want it to go forward."

She scrunched her face up in surprise.

"What?"

He took another step towards her. Ziva again remained still.

"Everything I said, Zee, that was all real. That speech…I was saying it to you. You asked me about soul mates and I doubt you'd believe me if I said that I still think about that moment almost every day. I messed up then…I was in a bad place, and I truly never thought that people could be happy. I never thought that _I _could be happy."

He began pacing beside her, running his hands over his face and through his hair.

"I missed you on that damn ship, Ziva. Those pictures…they kept me going. I couldn't call you. It was my fault Jenny died and part of me always believed that you blamed me. It was too hard for me to call you then and have you upset with me. Especially when if I'd just listened to you hours earlier, she may still be alive. I didn't need to hear your disappointment even if I _did_ deserve it."

"Tony," Ziva began.

He shook his head.

"I need to get this out."

She nodded resolutely and he continued.

"Little did I know that I'd get to experience you _actually _angry with me."

He ignored Ziva's sharp intake of breath and the warning signals in her eyes. She did not want him to bring this up, but Tony was on a roll. He couldn't get himself to stop talking even if he wanted to. And he didn't.

"When I saw you in Cartagena, I was so excited. I thought maybe…maybe we could get our chance. I don't know really what I wanted, but I know I missed you so damn much every second I was on that ship. And seeing you again stirred something inside me that I thought I'd lost. I'm sorry I didn't call you, Ziva. I pushed you right into his arms."

"Tony," she said with a little more force this time. "Do not…"

He swirled on his heel and pounded his fist into the wall. Ziva jumped at the sound.

"Damnit, Ziva! Just listen to me for a second."

When he realized that he'd startled the assassin—even if she was no longer one—he cursed himself internally for letting his temper control him. He took another step towards her and felt relieved that she still didn't pull away from him.

"Please," he said, and he knew Ziva could hear the defeat in his tone. "I really need you to just listen to me."

"Alright."

"When I think of how things might be different if I'd just talked to you when we weren't together, if I'd called, or written an e-mail, or something…maybe you wouldn't have gone to _him_. Maybe you wouldn't have had to get comfort from _him_."

Ziva noticed that Tony couldn't bring himself to say Michael's name. She didn't blame him; she wasn't sure she could, either.

"On that ship, I asked you if you left someone behind. I knew then that you had. Your eyes," he smiled, "they always said what you never wanted to say out loud. They told all of your secrets. I liked to think that I was the only one that knew how to read them. Even _after_ I knew about him, that he actually existed."

He took a breath to steady himself. This was harder than he thought. It was the most honest he'd ever been with someone, and that scared him.

"I was jealous, Zee." He rolled his eyes. "Well, you knew that. The whole office knew that. I hated that you now had someone to go to. You didn't need me anymore. You didn't want me anymore. It scared the shit out of me when you went to Israel on vacation. I knew that things were getting serious. And that picture…"

He shook his head, willing the awful memories to disappear. They marred his thoughts and he often wished he could remove them altogether, even though they taught him valuable lessons. They were black pages in his life, and he hated them. He hated Rivkin for causing them. But most of all, he hated himself.

"You were so secretive. You kept him hidden, you never wanted to tell me about him. It killed me, Ziva."

At this, Ziva's nostrils flared and her face reddened in anger.

"And how did you think I felt when you were running around with Jeanne? When you kept her a secret? When I believed that you had contracted the plague again?"

"Ziva—"

"No, Tony!" she shouted. "It is _your_ turn to listen. You do not get to interrupt me now."

He put his hands in front of him in surrender and waited for her to continue.

"You have a lot of nerve," she laughed darkly.

She threw her hands up in the air and rolled her eyes; it was now her turn to pace the floor.

"I made a fool out of myself. I thought you were dying, Tony. I thought you were sick. Even after Gibbs suggested that there were other reasons for your deception, I could not accept that. I preferred to believe that you were ill than to believe you were seeing some woman in private! Do you know how that made me feel, watching you skulk around on your private phone, disappearing all the time, keeping _her_ a secret? Isolating yourself from the team, from _me_?"

Her face looked so young and so sad. Her eyes were definitely glassy now, and he watched the corner of her mouth twitch, a telltale sign that she was fighting desperately with herself to regain composure and remain in control.

"That was different, Ziva," he answered. "I loved her."

Ziva looked down at the floor. He heard her taking deep breaths and his own heart plummeted. Not before, not in Tel Aviv, not even five minutes ago, did he believe that she loved _him_. Her silence and her inability to look him in the eye were adding to the sinking suspicion that she had. It hurt Tony in a way he hadn't expected. It left him with a hole in his stomach and he felt almost sick.

She raised her head and looked him in the eye. He was not prepared for her steely gaze; he could have sworn she'd been crying. Where had the tears gone?

"Perhaps I did, too."

The air whooshed out of his lungs and he panicked when he realized he wasn't sure if he'd be able to refill them. It was one thing for him to think it to himself; it was a horse of an entirely different color to hear her confirm it.

"Oh," he squeaked through chapped lips.

How was he supposed to continue now? How was he supposed to pour his heart out when he now knew that she loved the man he killed?

The silence in the room was thick with tension. Minutes seemed like hours in between two people who'd said too much and still had so much left to say.

Something in him snapped, and he felt he no longer had anything to lose. Even if this went terribly he wouldn't regret it because he knew he'd done everything he could. He was done hiding. He had to finish what he started.

"I was jealous in the beginning, Ziva, but then I began to worry. He wasn't a good guy. He was dragging you into things, making you lie for him—whether or not you did that of your own will, you still did it for him—and he was turning you into this person we didn't know. To a person _I _didn't know. I couldn't read your eyes anymore, and that killed me."

Ziva was surprisingly non-argumentative. He expected her to fight him on every word, every accusation, but she continued to listen. A small part of him felt alight with hope.

"When I met him that day in the restaurant, he taunted me. I tried not to stoop to his level, because he was an asshole—I'm sorry, Ziva, but he was—but it was so hard. He called me 'Agent Meatball' and I almost socked him right there. And then things just got worse."

Ziva shut her eyes, trying not to remember the events that followed.

"That night, your apartment…I didn't mean to kill him. But he wouldn't have hesitated taking me out. He wanted to frame you, Ziva. He used you. I couldn't let that happen. You'd been hurt and let down by so many people. I couldn't let it happen to you again."

She opened her eyes again when she heard the raw emotion in his voice. It was different that any other time she'd heard him speak. The tone of it made her soul ache with sadness. His expression—open, honest, hurt, emotional—took her breath away.

"I'm not going to pretend that you didn't hurt me when you told Gibbs you didn't trust me. It was awful. Gibbs got back on and joined us, and you weren't there, and my heart broke. I knew you'd never forgive me, and I'd blown it forever. But part of me was upset that you didn't believe me, that you thought I could be so petty and jealous that I'd kill someone you cared about just to eliminate my competition."

Ziva bit her lip and had the good graces to look ashamed. Tony raised a hand to silence her before she spoke.

"You've already got your chance to explain yourself. And I believe you, I do. But I just needed you to hear that you'd hurt me."

"I understand, Tony," she whispered. "I am sorry."

Tony closed the distance between them and rubbed his thumb along her cheek. It felt odd to him that he hadn't done this since Franks died—almost a year ago—but touching her this way, providing her comfort and assurance through simple contact, felt completely natural to him.

"I know. I'm almost done, Zee. Just hear me out."

She nodded and allowed him to continue rubbing her cheek. When he let go, she could still feel his fingers on her face. She also felt an emptiness from the absence of his touch.

"I don't know how to explain what I felt when Gibbs told me the Damocles went down. It was…pretty intense," he chuckled uncomfortably. "Things didn't seem right. Nothing seemed right. You were gone. How could anything be right again?"

Tony fought against the lump in his throat; he could never talk about that time without breaking down, even just a little. It was the worst time in his life.

"Everything blurred. Nothing mattered. I ran on autopilot and lived my life on my reserve tank." He smiled when he realized that she wouldn't understand his expression. "It's like when there's no gas left in the car, but you've got those few red lines to keep you going for another few miles."

She nodded her understanding.

"I truly felt like a part of me died with you on the Damocles, Ziva. I knew that you were it for me. You were the one and you'd just died in a shipwreck. I didn't have a reason to go on living."

"Tony," she spoke softly, "what about Gibbs? Abby? McGee?"

He shook his head.

"They know what I was like. They know how it affected me. Nothing else mattered, Ziva," he reiterated. "Only you. And avenging your death."

"So—" the word died on her lips and he nodded.

"I had to kill the bastard. I had to do something. I had to feel in control. Even if I died, too."

Tony smiled, his first true smile of the night.

"But there you were. You were alive. My heart stopped and I couldn't believe that you were there, with me, in that dingy cell, and that you were breathing. You gave me a reason to keep going, Ziva. It felt so good to see your face, even if you didn't want to see mine."

"That is not true, Tony," she insisted. "Seeing you was a shock I was completely unprepared for. I was ready to die. I accepted my fate. I knew that I deserved what I had coming to me."

He raised his hand to touch her face once more, but rethought his action and went to lower it. Ziva, however, sought his comfort; she took his hand and placed it on her cheek in a move so bold he hadn't seen it coming.

"I wondered what would happen, what _could_ happen, now that I got another chance to see you," she admitted in a low voice. "I felt hope for the first time in a very long time."

Tony released a bark of laughter, desperate to hide the rogue tear spilling down his cheek.

"A lot has happened since then, Ziva. EJ. Cobb. Franks." He paused, choosing his words carefully. "Ray."

Ziva bit her lip; she had fallen for Ray, despite everything. Knowing that he'd let her down was another scary reminder that sometimes, she couldn't trust her judgment.

"You broke up with Ray because he made you empty promises."

Tony rubbed his hands over his face to give himself a moment to think. This was the hard part.

"Ziva, I'm here. I'm ready to make you promises. I want to make promises and _keep_ them."

Her lip trembled and she blinked rapidly; Tony knew she was cursing herself as the tears fell one by one. He took her hands in his and called her name, forcing her to look at him.

"I want this, _us_. I want to be that guy for you. I don't want to just be your partner. I want to watch movies with you in bed, on the weekend in the middle of the day. I want to cook you dinner just because. I just want to be there for you Ziva, all the time. I want to be that guy for you. I _am_ that guy for you. Just give me a chance to prove it."

Ziva stared at him with new eyes. She saw this man, the loveable, goofy, competent man, in a whole new light. This was the man she'd always knew was in there, deep down. The man she'd gotten to see only a few times, but the man she wanted him to be. It seemed to her that he'd finally found the balance that he so desperately sought.

"You have already made your point quite clear, Tony," she said in a firm tone.

When she saw his face fall and his heart break in front of her, she stood on her tiptoes and cupped his face in her hands.

"You have already shown me that you are what I am looking for."

Her shy smile caused his face to light up in what could only be described as euphoria. He laughed, and she laughed, and he shook his head in disbelief. Had he heard her correctly?

"Just be sure, does that mean what I think it means?"

She smirked, in true Ziva fashion, and stood on her tiptoes to give him a chaste kiss on the lips.

"What do you think?"

He kissed her back with such joy and happiness that she began to laugh. She felt giddy inside that she was responsible for his current mood. _This_ is what she'd been missing. _This_ is what Ray could not give her.

Tony took her hand again and stared into her eyes.

"I meant what I said about Palmer and Breena. They really did help me see that soul mates exist. And that mine was standing in front of me the whole time."

Ziva kissed him. This time, she didn't laugh.

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><p><strong>Hope it was worth the wait!<strong>


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